


A Visit to Paris

by Sphinx_of_Black_Quartz



Category: Danny Phantom, Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Alya shows up for a hot second, An anime reference here and there, Danny also insults Hawkmoths fashion sense, Gen, I do what I want, I take creative liberties and run, Not beta read because of my copious lack of a social life, Oh so now there’s demons, PLZ HELP, Sarcasm, danny uses hawkmoth as google translate, danny’s family is kinda nuts, i have absolutely no idea what I’m doing, lamps as weapons, spot all my references and I’ll give you a virtual cookie, this was funny in my head
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-01
Updated: 2019-07-23
Packaged: 2020-06-02 09:17:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19438456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sphinx_of_Black_Quartz/pseuds/Sphinx_of_Black_Quartz
Summary: Danny was taught from a young age not to make deals with voices in his head. That makes things.... difficult for a certain French supervillain.





	1. Chapter 1

Danny really had no one to blame but himself. 

He knew going into the ‘Zone alone was a bad idea. He knew that flying past where he had been before was a worse one. He also had it drilled into his impressionable young mind from the time he could speak that accepting any invitation from a Ghost was the worst possible decision a person (fledgling ghost hunter, was what his parents said) could do.

So when he was dumped unceremoniously from a jump scare portal that had opened in front of him on his way to Youngblood’s death day party, he had to direct his incoherent cursing towards himself.

Danny felt his ire rise when he saw that the portal had dropped him straight into a dumpster. It grew when he smelled it.

“Oh, this stench isn’t coming out anytime soon, gross.” He growled as he extracted himself from rotting food and questionable cleaning supplies. Was that an entire pizza? That was just wasteful.

His anger hit the very, very high roof of his patience when he stepped out of the alleyway, only to have a banana peel smack him across the face as a car flew past. “You can’t even wait to put your litter in the trash?! I thought that was how half of Europe got the plague!” He shouted after the speeding car.

But even through the rage, Danny was able to see a small black butterfly flying towards him. “Oh and now I’m attracting bugs,” he snarled at no one in particular, swatting at the insect. It dodged his hand and dove at his watch, phasing into it.

“That was... weird,” he mumbled and then jumped when a voice started talking in his head. The sinister sounding man was speaking French, and he was. . . Asking him something?

“Uhhhh sorry, dude. I didn’t quite catch that.”

The man paused. “American? That will make things difficult, but I’ll manage. Litterbug. I am Hawkmoth. I can give you the power to-“

“Wait, wait, wait. You’re insulting me inside my own head? That’s kinda rude, homeslice. I’m not a litterbug. Also, I thought we were past the whole ‘judging people because of where they come from’ thing. I think people were calling it racism?” He began to walk down the street, eyes on his phone as he told his friends that he wouldn’t be meeting them at school tomorrow, and asking them to cover for him.

The man- Hawkmoth?- spoke up again, “It was not my intention to insult you, I merely was offering a name for the abilities I would like to give you.”

Danny stopped. “Okay, Mr Creepy Voice in My Head, I’m kinda in a hurry right now, so I’m not interested in any steroids, alright?” 

“I-“

“Or anything that can make me high. Or am I already high? I am talking to a voice inside my head, after a butterfly crawled into my watch, so I’m probably high already.”

The man sputtered, “I assure you, that you are not intoxicated, and that I am not offering you any narcotics. I am offering you the power to rain garbage from the heavens and get your revenge on the people who have wronged you.”

Danny paused, then kept walking, furrowing his brow. “That sounds really stupid. And counterproductive. If I’m ticked off because of trash, why would I want more of it, assuming you can actually give me the power.”

“Of course I can give you power!” The creep spat. “I can give you any power you want! What do you want?!”

“Like right now? Umm... well I was planning to get a bagel, take a nap and then go home.”

“I can give you the power to-“

Danny snorted. “I don’t need superpowers to eat a bagel and sleep, you crusty old fruitloop.”

“You, you ungrateful little-“

Danny interrupted, as he looked for food places nearby. “Plus you haven’t even mentioned that catch yet. There’s always a catch. No one ever does anything for free.”

Hawky spoke again, barely holding back the irritation in his voice, “all I want from you, is Ladybug and Chat Noir’s miraculous.”

“Okay dude, I literally understood none of that. Speak English, please.”

“I was speaking-“ the man sighed, and Danny could imagine him pinching the bridge of his nose. “What I want, is for you to steal the superhero Ladybug’s earrings, and her partner Chat Noir’s ring. In return I will give you what you desire.”

Danny tripped over his shoelace. “So you’re a petty jewelry thief? I was not expecting that, to be honest.”

“I am not a petty jewelry thief! Their miracle stones are the source of their power! I must have them!”

Danny blinked as he tied his shoe. “Sheesh, dude. You’re more obsessed then the people I run into back home and that’s saying something. Why do you want the things anyway? I don’t usually do stuff for people unless I know why.”

The fruitloop scoffed, “As if the likes of you could understand my motivations, but very well. I require them to bring someone very dear to me back. It is a noble reason.”

“Like, beyond the grave, or just like, across the country?”

“Beyond the grave you insolent-“

“Dude, that’s the worst idea I’ve heard in a long time. Waking the dead always backfires. Best case scenario you lose two limbs and your brother. What you really should do is get a cat and some therapy. Or an account on a dating site.”

“I can give you-“

“Hey, bagel and sleep, remember? I don’t need superpowers.”

Danny walked into a promising little shop. Although he couldn’t read French, the pictures on the signs outside were mouthwatering and made his stomach yell at him.

As the door opened and closed, a bell rang, bringing what he assumed were the owners behind the counter. It was a small Asian woman, and a man large enough to give Jack Fenton a run for his money. They said something to him in French.

“Hey, Hawkdaddy, how do I ask them if they take American money?” He asked, holding up his phone to make the illusion that he wasn’t completely nuts talking to himself.

“I am not-“

“Come on man, do you really wanna see me make a fool of myself in front of these nice people. Plus, the faster I get done here, the faster you get to try and convince me to help you.”

The nutjob yelled something that sounded like “Nathalie, how do I call the akuma back?!”

“The nice people are waiting~” Danny singsonged.

Hawkmoth shouted “Fine, you insufferable brat!” And then something in French that Danny repeated to the shopkeepers, only butchering a few of the words.

After they responded with a nod, Danny turned around, “How do I tell them to get me whatever I can by for five dollars?”

The dollar store cryptid gave a long suffering sigh before telling him what to say. 

Danny smirked as he left the shop, with a small pie looking thing in one hand and a fork in the other. “It’s no bagel, but it’ll do. Say, Mr Moth, have you ever done this whole sales pitch thing before? Because it sorta sounds like you have, but since you’re so bad at it I’m not really sure.”

“Of course I have done this before! I have terrorized the city with my akuma countless times! I want to add you to my legion! Take the miraculous!”

“Or I could stick this fork, into your crazy face, old man.” 

The man inhaled sharply and Danny held back a giggle as he imagined the guy’s face. “Let me show you the power and majesty of my previous allies.”

Danny jumped as images flashed behind his eyes. A kid in a skintight traffic light suit brandished a bubble wand. A man surfed on a flock of pigeons, also in spandex, this time with a motif matching the birds. The last one was a very angry looking chef, that appeared to be preparing to boil a teenage girl alive.

Danny opened and closed his mouth for a bit, then started walking towards what looked like a park. “Okay, first of all, cannibalism is never cool. Second, I refuse to be dressed like that on principle. Those outfits look like someone ate a 90’s comic book and then threw it up, and third, you almost made me drop my pie. Jerk move.”

Hawkmoth sounded like a broken man “Why are you so... so infuriating?”

“I figured if I annoyed you enough, I could get you to leave me alone. Is it working? It works seventy five percent of the time.”

Hawkmoth started crying.

There were a bunch of people in ten park, putting cameras and clothing and other supplies into boxes, but Danny ignored them, and sat down on the edge of a fountain to eat his pie. 

The two people already sitting on the fountain looked at him. One of them was a blonde kid in a white jacket, and the other was a girl with black-blue hair tied into pigtails. The two look at each other before the girl asks Danny something in French. 

“Uhh sorry. Didn’t catch that. Tourist.”

The blonde kid blinked and then said, “She wanted to know if you bought that from her parents’ bakery. And also why you smell kinda like garbage.”

“Oh. I might have? I bought it from a place on the corner over that way. As for the garbage-“

Hawkmoth butted in, begging. “Please get me the mirac-“

“Can it, mothman! I’m trying to have a conversation here!”

The two friends stared at him. 

“Ummm.. what was that?” The blonde kid asked.

“Oh sorry about that. I’ve kinda got a tagalong in my head. A butterfly covered in motor oil and chocolate sauce melted into my watch, and some guy with the fashion sense of a DC fanboy on an acid trip asked me to steal jewelry from two public figures. Does that happen often around here?”


	2. Trouble in Paris

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there is confusion, irritation, and Danny hits Hawkmoth with a lamp.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! Sphinx here! I felt so encouraged by all of the comments and kudos this thing got, so I wrote this absolute monster to try and say thank you! It probably won’t be as funny as the first, because comedy isn’t the whole focus this time, but some of you wanted to see what happened next. Here you go! :D

After Danny finished his piece, he turned back to his pie-thing. It was delicious even though he had absolutely no idea what it even was. “I really hope I’m not allergic to this.” He mumbled through a large fork full of pastry. 

Oh, the weirdo inside his head was still talking, but since it didn’t seem to be directed at Danny, and it was in French, he just tuned it out.

“Um, excuse me? What exactly did you mean by all that?” Blondie tore his attention away from his food, and when Danny looked up he was met with a face of incredulous confusion and concern. 

“I meant exactly what I said.” He replied with a shrug. “A butterfly of a species I’m pretty sure doesn’t exist decided that my watch was prime real estate and it sorta just... flew right in.” Danny took a bite of his food and spoke with his mouth full. “And then a total nutcase with a cannibalistic creativity problem asked me to get a thing called a miraculous? Or was it earrings? I wasn’t really paying attention. Of course, I told him to jump in a lake because I’m pretty sure he’s a couple of crayons short of the full box. Now I’m just waiting until he gets bored enough to leave me alone.”

When he looked up he snickers a bit. Blondie’s eyes are almost comically wide, and when he translates for Pigtails, she covers her mouth with her hands and looks like she’s seen the Loch Ness Monster.

Danny looked back and forth between the two of them and puts his fork down. “I’m guessing by your expressions that this is probably a bad thing.”

Blondie looks like he’s lost for words, but he manages to choke out “You- you’re akumitized?! But- How- Why didn’t Hawkmoth take control of you? Why aren’t you a villain?!”

Danny just shrugged. “I didn’t agree to his stupid deal. He doesn’t seem all that dangerous, just delusional.”

“I am not delusional!”

Danny rolled his eyes. “Oh great he’s back. Put a sock in it, old man, you have got to have better things to do with your life than talk to me. But if you don’t, then wow, that’s kinda sad. Stop interrupting me, I don’t interrupt you all the time.”

“Yes you do, you-“

“Anyways.” Danny said, looking back at the other kids, “I’m pretty sure I’ve got it handled, but if you know of any way to get rid of him faster, I’d love to hear it.”

Blondie opened and closed his mouth a few times, and Pigtails seemed just as shocked.

“Got nothing? That’s fine. After I finish this I’m gonna take a nap and then leave.” He turned back to his pie and ate a couple more bites. “I just hope Mothface will shut up long enough to let me sleep.”

He looked up again when Blondie speaks again, “Uhhh, I guess we’ve just never seen this before. Most of the time people immediately agree to do what Hawkmoth wants. No one has ever not changed into a villain.”

Danny snorted. “You’re kidding, right? In what universe is it a good idea to make a deal with sketchy voices in your head?! That’s how people accidentally sell their souls to demons. And get evicted from their homes when their mortgage is too high.” He poked his half-a-pie (haha, halfa.) with his fork. “I mean, voices in your head is usually a good sign that you’re not in a stable place to be making a decision.”

Blondie looks like he’s about to have an aneurysm, and Pigtails is slowly edging back away from him as if he has a weird disease. He sorta does, he muses. He’s pretty sure Hawkmoth counts as a disease. 

“What’s wrong? It’s just logic.” Danny asked, tilting his head and getting back on topic. Blondie shakes his head, “I guess people are too overwhelmed by emotion?” Before Danny can tell him that that’s no excuse, he speaks up again, “We do know how to fix it though. Ladybug and Chat Noir always come and release the akuma and save everyone.”

Danny taps on his pie plate with his fork. “Release the akuma? How do they do it?”

“They break the object it’s hiding in.”

Danny sits up straight, “Oh, it’s that easy?!” He rips his watch off his wrist and Blondie screams at him to stop as he smashes it into the corner of the fountain as hard as he can.

The watch shatters like the window that Tucker accidentally hit a squirrel through with a baseball bat during second grade PE. Sam was so mad about that one.

The freaky, possessed butterfly squeezed itself out of the watch like toothpaste and all of Hawkmoth’s background racket fades to nothing. “Sayonara, Hawkboy, I hope I never meet you again.” 

His grin is enormous as he turns to thank Blondie, and maybe exchange numbers because despite the fact that he seems confused by Danny’s logic, he does seem like a pretty nice guy.

Blondie looks horrified, Pigtails has bailed, and Danny frowns. “It worked, why do you look like I just kicked your dog?”

“You- you don’t know what you just did! If Ladybug doesn’t purify them, they multiply and possess as many people as they can, to be the original’s personal army.”

Danny’s eyes widen and he manages to squeak out a very small ‘Oh.’ Blondie sighs. “It wasn’t your fault. You couldn’t have known. We can still fix it. We just need to get word out to Lady-“

An entire swarm of dark butterflies rush past them, heading straight for the people packing supplies and cameras away into vans. Blondie grabs Danny’s arm and drags him to his feet, “Don’t panic. They won’t be able to move, because you aren’t there to lead them.”

One by one, the butterflies choose their victims and melt into their skin. Black grime reminiscent of the probably poisonous stuff they give at the school cafeteria under the misnomer of ‘black bean soup’ bubbles up out of the bystanders, expanding and forming them into something new.

“Hawkmoth wanted to turn me into THAT?!” Danny shouted incredulously.

About twelve trash cans of various blinding colors with scorpion legs have formed from the bean soup and Human Resources cocktail. 

“Don’t worry, it’s not the weirdest one we’ve gotten. When this is over, look up Despair Bear. It’ll make you feel better.” Blondie says, letting go of Danny to pull out his phone, presumably to tell someone that Danny managed to ruin everything. Again.

Movement out of the corner of his eye makes him whip his head back to witness something that he’s definitely going to have to seek professional help for. 

A horde of countless trash cans are charging towards them, crawling over walls like spiders, pouring out windows and occasionally lifting their lids up to reveal Tim Burton’s art style and Five Nights at Freddy’s had a knock off Oscar the Grouch baby. Every time they opened, garbage poured out, banana peels, rotting cardboard, an entire pizza? Still wasteful. There’s no time to pick out any differences between any of the monsters, Danny reminded himself.

“Uhhh, Blondie? I think we need to go...”

“Just a second. I’ve almost got my warning on the Ladyblog. Oh, and then we’ll introduce ourselves.”

Danny hesitated as he looked back and forth between Blondie and the approaching demon horde, then grabbed Blondie’s hand right back and dragged him out of the way of a particularly speedy trash gremlin.

The noise is so, so loud as they flee for their lives from the growing mountain of garbage. “I didn’t think I’d die this way!” Danny shouted, adding ‘again’ in his head. “Me neither!” Blondie called back. Danny looked over his shoulder, and the trash storm was racing towards them faster every second.

Danny gripped Blondie’s wrist tighter. “Why am I leading?! I don’t know how this city works!” 

“Because you saved my life! Thanks for that, by the way!”

“You’re welcome, but I think we need someplace to hide yesterday!”

“In there!” 

Blondie points to a door on the edge of a four way intersection, and they somehow manage to get inside and barricade the door behind them. 

They’re holed up in what appears to be the foyer of a cozy little motel. The suspicious amount of trash strewn about tells what happened to the employees.

“That was scary,” Blondie pants, when the door doesn’t seem like it’s gonna collapse. “You can say that again.” Danny gasps back, hands on his knees.

Blondie turns and extends a hand to Danny, “Oh I’m Adrien, by the way. Adrien Agreste.” Danny stands and takes the hand. “Danny. Danny Fenton. Nice to meet you.”

After the introductions, Adrien turns around to give their surroundings a look over, and Danny slumps down against the door. “I really messed up, didn’t I? Why were they moving? Shouldn’t they not be doing that?”

Adrien turns, then sits down next to him. “I’m not sure why they could move. They shouldn’t have been able to do that.” He sighs, then puts his hand on Danny’s shoulder, and tugs to get Danny’s eyes on him. “In no way is this on you. It’s all on Hawkmoth. He’s been sending villains and monsters out like clockwork. Anyone could have gotten that butterfly. Actually, about half of Paris has gotten one at this point. I think my entire class has been akumitized by now.”

Danny still feels guilty, and apparently Adrien can tell, because he speaks up again, “If anything, you should feel proud, Hawkmoth wasn’t able to turn you into a monster, and I’ve never seen that happen before. I can’t even imagine the mental strength that’d take.”

Danny snorts, “You’re joking, right? That guy had the charisma of a broken refrigerator.”

Adrien smiles, “See, most people don’t think that. Hawkmoth’s magic makes it really hard to refuse, especially when people are emotionally overwhelmed. You managed to shake off his control, which I think is really amazing.”

Danny smiles back, genuinely for the first time that day, then sheepishly holds out his hand to Adrien, “Friends?” 

“Friends,” Adrien agrees, but before they can shake, everything goes dark. The garbage outside had built up to the point where it had covered the glass. At least there was a bit of light filtering in through the crannies. 

“Why aren’t the lights on?” Danny asks, now standing with Adrien, backs to the door.

“I think the garbage collapsed the electrical lines,” Adrien voices back. 

“What should we do? We can’t just stand here and wait to suffocate in the dark!” Danny wished he could just phase them out, but he didn’t want his new friend to look at him the same way his town did.

“We could try to climb out a window, but I don’t think it’s a good idea to walk on the garbage. It’d be way too unstable. We’d sink down and get stuck, and that’s not the way I wanna go.”

“We are in agreement on that one. Hmmm... what about a skylight? Then we could walk on the rooftops, and maybe flag down one of your heroes.”

Adrien pats him on the shoulder, “I think that’ll do fine.”

————

Stumbling through the dark while trying to find the way to a skylight or a window not covered in trash reminds Danny of the time his dad shorted out the electrical grid of an entire city block when he tried to plug a toaster he made out of a broken dryer, a lawnmower engine and duct tape into the hotel outlet.

That night was... eventful. 

“Hey, I think I see light!” Adrien calls down the stairs to Danny, who has been distracted by a floor lamp that he’s reasonably confident he can use as a weapon. “Coming!” He calls back up before he hefts the lamp up. 

For a second he thought he heard someone say in a squeaky voice ‘just go already, kid. You don’t gotta wait for this guy!’ But he’s already had one voice in his head today and another would be just too much. 

The lamp will do just fine. He rips the cord out with his teeth before all of his electrical safety lessons come back. Whatever. The power’s out anyway. He winds the cord around his torso for a makeshift rope. 

When he gets to the top, he finds Adrien breaking off a table leg. Danny nods his approval. “Where was the light?” He asks. Adrien points to an uncovered window at the end of the hallway. “We might have to climb a bit, but that should take us to the roof. Nice lamp, by the way.” 

“Thanks.”

Climbing up onto the roof is a lot easier than Danny feels like it should be, but he’s not complaining. He really thinks Adrien should be though, because it makes sense for something like this to not make him tired, considering his extracurricular activities, but this guy’s a civilian. Maybe he just works out a lot?

Once they’re at the top, they cautiously make their way across the city’s canopy, occasionally looking up to check for bounding super heroes.

When Danny looks down at the entire streets piled up with trash to the fourth story windows of the smaller buildings, he vows to never zone out during one of Sam’s recycling rants ever again.

A hand flies out in front of him and he looks up, “We’ve got company,” Adrien whispers grimly. About six trash can monsters are steadily coming closer. “Ready?” Adrien hefts his table leg. “As I’ll ever be, Danny says as he spins his lamp, accidentally throwing the shade into a monster’s face, which fell off the roof and sunk into the trash heap.

The other cans screech in indignation and suddenly they’re on Danny and Adrien.

Adrien is... surprisingly easy to fight with. While they do have an occasional miss or stumble, they cover each other’s backs. There’s only one more thing that Danny needs to test before Adrien is on the gold list in his book.

“Wow! This totally stinks!” Danny calls out, crossing his fingers on the inside and without missing a beat Adrien calls right back, “These guys’ attitude is garbage!” 

Danny’s grin couldn’t be wider.

“Where’d you learn to fight like this?!”

“I take fencing classes! You?!”

“My family does preparation for the collapse of society instead of most holidays!”

A couple more inane conversations follow and Danny is having a better time than he’d like to admit.

Once all of the trash cans are dumped, Danny smacks himself in the face. “Litterbugs. They are literal litterbugs. Why didn’t I see it sooner!? I’ll never be a punmaster now!”

Adrien pats him on the back and opens his mouth to say something, but before any words can come out, they hear a thud behind them.

They whip around to deal with the supposed threat only to see red spandex with black spots. There’s something... familiar about her, but it’s impossible to tell what. “I see you can handle yourselves pretty well,” Ladybug compliments quirking an eyebrow.

“Unfortunately, we are in a bit of a mess,” she sighs. “Since the original akuma never truly formed, these ones have no true allegiance. Without that, they are mindless, following the emotion of the original akuma. I can’t find the akuma of any of them because they keep creating more and more objects. And purifying the original won’t work either, because they aren’t connected to it at all.”

Ladybug strides purposefully towards them. “My... teacher told me that at this point, the only thing that can take control back and make them release their akuma, is the butterfly miraculous.”

Adrien gasps. Danny just stands there because clearly what the red hero said is significant, but it’s lost on him. He raises his hand, “Umm. Foreigner here, what exactly does that mean?”

“It means we’re going to need Hawkmoth’s help for this one, or at least his brooch.” Ladybug sighs.

Danny drags a hand down his face. “That guy? How do we even contact him?”

Ladybug points to the Eiffel Tower, “The akuma meant for you is up there, creating more and more copies of itself. If you touched it again, you should be able to talk to him again. 

“So I’ve gotta let the delusional butterfly man back into my head?” Danny scowls, then tilts his head and smirks. “Fine. Lemme at him.Getting on people’s nerves is my specialty.”

————

It doesn’t take long to get to the Eiffel Tower, because Ladybug is ridiculously fast and strong, carrying Danny on her back and Adrien bridal style. With one arm. Which is holding Danny’s lamp and Adrien’s table leg. Danny is impressed.

He’s even more impressed when Ladybug runs straight up the Eiffel Tower at a ninety degree angle, like a spandex wearing chipmunk.

And sure enough, at the peak of the Tower is a black butterfly, fluttering in place and occasionally copy and pasting more of itself into existence. Danny strolls towards it, trying to pull his maximum rudeness and sarcasm up.  
“Just pretend you’re talking to Vlad,” he mumbled. 

“Whenever you’re ready, man,” Adrien says, with a hand on Danny’s shoulder. Danny takes a deep breath, then snatches the butterfly out of the air. Immediately, background mind noise returns, with some panicked French shouting.

Danny speaks up, “Heya, Hawk-grease! Didja miss me?”

“What?! No! Not you! I don’t have time for this!”

“You know what? I think you do. I’m sure you’re completely aware that you can’t control me or the trash army. Unfortunately for you, if you want me to leave you alone, you’re gonna have to leave whatever hole you’ve crawled into and died.”

“I will do nothing of the sort!”

“Weeeeeeeeeelllll, I think you’re gonna have to, unless you wanna drown in trash like the rest of us. Except you’ll actually deserve it.” 

Hawkmoth sounds like he’s about to blow a gasket, but he still says, “I am perfectly safe in my lair. If you want my help, I want the mira-“

“Okay, just shut your trap about the miraculous for one second, please. Two amazing people are cleaning up your stupid disasters every week because you’re too much of a coward to realize that you’re beating a dead horse.”

“It is not as futile as you think! I will have them one day, and when I do, you will regret crossing me til the end of time!”

Danny just cackled, looking back at his companions, “Guess what, guys, he’s threatening me! Listen up you useless piece of garbage, threats don’t work on me, they’re honestly a joke at this point. What I want from you, is you to take your childish attitude and shove it down your throat, then come out and clean up your giant mess.”

“It seems we are at an impasse then. I will not help unless I am rewarded.” Hawkmoth said through clenched teeth.

“How’s ‘I don’t clock you in the head with a lamp’ for a reward?”

“I will only accept the miraculous.” Danny could hear pure loathing dripping from his voice.

Danny closed his eyes. There was something he was missing. It happened more times than he’d ever admit, especially in English class, but this time it was actually important. Wait.... His head shot up with realization as it hit him like one of his parents inventions.

“Hey, Mothface, what’s your favorite sports team?”

“I don’t see why this matters at all, seeing as I have no time for-“

Gotcha. “And that’s all I needed to hear. I recognize you. Well, your voice anyway. I’ve heard you say that before. You came to Vlad’s last ‘Oh let’s all try to show up each other with our wealth and amazing accomplishments’ party.” Danny grinned wickedly. “I know because I crashed it. That was fun, but that’s not the point. The point is, that all I need to do is steal one of the guest directories, and then I’ve got your name. What was it again? Gobstobber? Agression?” 

“WHAT?!”  
“Also, if you’re anything like Vlad, and I know you are, you deserve exactly what’s coming to you.”

“YOU-“

“Oh and don’t try and hang up the butterfly on me, because then I’ll eat the stupid thing and then you’ll never get rid of me.”

“I- no- you- you can’t prove anything!”

“That just makes me even more sure that I’m right. Oh, and by the way, Ladybug has been standing next to me this whole time.”

Hawkmoth gulped like a fish.

“And even if you don’t come out and help us, all we have to do is look for the most pretentiously wasteful place we can find, and then we can throw you to the wolves.” 

Danny heard a loud thud, before relative silence. He looks back at Ladybug and Adrien. “Well guys, it’s either he hung up on me, or he fainted. Either way, I think we have what we came for.” 

Both of their eyes were wide as saucers, and Danny just laughed. “I guess I gotta eat it now, just in case.” 

“Don’t eat the akuma, please!” Both Ladybug and Adrien said at once. 

“Fine. I won’t eat it. Even though I kinda want to now. I wonder what it tastes like.” He offered it to Ladybug, who caught it in her yo-yo looking thing. 

“So. Who’s the richest person in Paris? V-man doesn’t ever go halfway,” Danny folded his arms. 

Adrien looks like someone just burned down his house. “That’s.. that’s my father...”

Danny puts his arm around his shoulder. “Well, it’s either your dad is secretly evil, or you’ve got a supervillain infestation in your basement. Let’s hope for the second one, okay?” Danny says as gently as he can, but Jazz is better at this kind of thing. “Whichever it is, I’ll be there for you.”

Ladybug coughs, getting their attention. “I suppose you two will be fine here. I’d better get going.”

“Sorry, but I’m going with you.” Danny crosses his arms. “Don’t bother telling me it’s too dangerous. I’m not gonna pass up the chance to whack that loser with a lamp. If you leave me here, I’ll follow you.”

Ladybug looks two parts concerned and irritated, but she concedes. “Fine.” She huffs, but her gaze softens when it lands on Adrien. “I think it’s best for you to stay here, okay?”

Adrien looks like he’s ready to argue but then for a split second mischief flits over his face, replaced with submission. “Okay. I guess I’ll see you later. Hopefully Chat Noir shows up soon.”

Danny and Ladybug nod, then Danny climbs on her back and she bounds away. Danny is too busy holding on to look back when he sees a flash out of the corner of his eye. 

After a bit of running, Ladybug skids to a stop. Apparently, even with no true allegiance, trash was attracted to trash. Countless litterbugs were swarming around an enormous walled mansion. Danny knew they were in the right place when he saw the giant butterfly shaped window on the outside of the mansion, “Bingo,” he said, pointing it out to Ladybug, who seems a bit put out that she hadn’t noticed it. 

She put him down, and he slung his lamp over his shoulder. “So, what’s the plan?” He asked, making sure his shoes were tied. 

“The plan is that you keep these guys busy and I go get Hawkmoth.” 

“Whoa, hold up, you’re planning to fight past them? I’m pretty sure that stealth is better in these circumstances.”

“Yes, but unfortunately these monsters seem to chase me. That’s why you’re going to distract them.”

Danny tapped his lamp on the ground. “I don’t mean any offense by this, but doesn’t that make you the better distraction? Plus, I’m really good at sneaking.”

“I-I suppose...”

“And what about you’re partner? You just want him to spend the whole time looking for you? And two of you make an even better distraction.”

Ladybug holds up a hand. “It’s a good plan, but Hawkmoth is dangerous. It wouldn’t be safe for you.”

“You know what’s also dangerous for me? This entire situation. I know that this is your gig, but we’re kinda running out of options here. I’m reasonably confident that this is best use of what we’ve got. And if Hawkmoth does somehow against all odds, manage to off me, then you and your partner can come finish him after I’ve softened him up.” 

Ladybug looks visibly conflicted, but the desperation of the situation seems to convince her. Or maybe it’s the smell.  
“Fine. Just- be careful, okay?” 

“Who me? I’m always careful!” He grins, and Ladybug jumps to a different roof, presumably to get a better angle at the litterbugs.

Danny sprints forward, using a chimney as cover to pull up his invisibility. Changing forms here would be a mistake, so it looks like all he’s got is walking through walls, disappearing and flying. His legs leave the earth, and he zooms toward butterfly man’s hideout.

————

He isn’t sure what room mothman is lurking in, so he checks every one (stealing a bagel from the kitchen), before slapping himself. He knows this guy’s type, which puts him behind the most subtle yet flashy thing possible. 

Danny flys outside the house, then goes directly through the butterfly window.

Sure enough, there’s a man in there, and if he’s not a supervillain, Danny will really eat an akuma.

Danny knows that this is gonna be good, so he stashes his phone in the wall, with just the camera peeking out and recording. Only then does he land on the floor.

Danny leans causally against the wall before dropping his invisibility, lamp held lazily, “Wow. You’re even more pretentious in person.”

Hawkmoth freezes, before slowly turning his head and looking behind him. Danny shoots the nutcase a lopsided grin, as Hawkmoth’s soul leaves his body. 

“I told you I’d find you! We should play hide and seek again sometime!” 

Hawkmoth looks like he doesn’t know what to do, so he just brandishes his staff, and makes like he’s gonna attack Danny. Danny responds but putting down his lamp, “Hold up, there’s a couple things that need to be done before we can thrash each other.” He pulls a small notebook and sharpie out of his pocket. “I’m gonna need your address, phone number and full legal name.” 

Hawkmoth stops and seems to regain his composure. “How did you get in here?! What do you want?!” 

“I just told you. I’m gonna need all of those things I listed to add you to the list of people I despise.” He tilts his head. “Also, you pulling your head out of where the light doesn’t show and cleaning up after yourself would be nice.”

Hawkmoth closes his eyes and grits his teeth, and then lunges forward, staff flashing. Danny sidesteps, “Aww! You almost hit me!” 

To heck with it, no one will ever believe this lunatic. Danny grins and waves cheekily, before jumping into the air and vanishing. Hawkmoth shoots up straight, scanning the room, “Where did you go, you impuden-“

Hawkmoth is cut off by a lamp to the back of his knees, as Danny reappears behind him, cackling madly.   
Hawkmoth manages to spin around and swings his staff, and Danny responds by jumping higher than humanly possible over his head, and vanishing again, and cracking the lamp against the lunatic’s face.

“Show yourself!”

Danny just laughs.

———-

Danny draws the fight out for a couple of reasons. Reason one, if this guy really is Adrien’s dad, then that explains the large barred, lonely room he found upstairs, which tells a disturbing tale, and Danny’s friends deserve better. Reason two, he’s gotta at least give LB and her partner a chance to take down their own nemisis, he can’t steal this from them, and reason three. 

He hasn’t had this much fun in months.

He’s careful, though. He doesn’t hit as hard as he can, just enough to send a painful message, not cripple or kill, and luckily, even if he hits harder than he wants, the moth guy has some kind of armor. That’s fine. Killing someone would be... hypocritical, and corrupt, and Danny refuses to become like Vlad.

He lets Mothman take a breather, floating cross legged out of reach, with his new favorite weapon laid across his legs. Grinning down at the idiot with his chin on his fist.

“So? You ready to be a good boy and clean up? We can even sing the clean up song!”

Hawkmoth glares up at him, leaning heavily on his staff. “I hate you so much.  
I will never give in. I will be Paris’ scourge until the miracle stones are mine! My family will be whole again! I will hold my wife i! My son will respect me again! The whole city will!”

Danny say up straight, not smiling anymore. “You think you know what’s best for them.” It wasn’t a question.

“Of course I know what’s best! All these people walking about don’t know anything! Why do you think they’re so easy to control?! If my son would listen to me, I wouldn’t have to punish him! This power care to me! I cultivated it beyond its previous abilities! It’s all because I am meant to be at this city’s leader! I am the only one who can save them from themselves!”

Something inside Danny snaps. Something outside him snaps too. It’s the lamp, but he can’t bring himself to care. 

(“Of course I know what’s best for you Daniel! We’re the same. Practically family! I’m the only one who can help you, if I wasn’t, then why are you so easy to manipulate?!” )

When Danny comes back to himself, he has Hawkmoth to the wall by the throat, and his eyes are blazing green. 

“Look around you! Open your eyes and look through this giant window! You’re not protecting or helping anyone! You’ve already killed them all! You think you’re saving them?! Is this really a world you want to live in?! Is this a world you think your wife wants to come back to? How can you be so sure-,” Danny snarls practically shaking the man, whose visible skin is pale and clammy with sudden fear, hands trying to pry Danny’s vice grip away. “How can you be sure that you haven’t already killed your son?! Cursed him?! Broken his heart!? What will they say when they find out what price you paid to bring them to you?! The price you forced thousands of others to pay?! What will they say when they see the world you’ve made?!”

Danny closed his eyes, but his rage leaked through in radioactive green. He spoke in clipped tones, through clenched teeth. “I was going to give you a chance. A chance to make things right, and own up to what you’ve done. It would be hard, it always is, but you’d be happier and better than you’ve ever been. 

He opens them again, and the fire pouring out is blinding. “But you don’t want a chance, do you? You’re so selfish and lonely that you can’t see what you do have, only what you don’t. And if you can’t have everything, you don’t want anyone else to have anything either.”

He pours a little more ghostly strength into his arms, and takes one hand away. “This doesn’t belong to you.” He rips the winged brooch off of the man’s chest.

Immediately purple light springs up around him, and a small lavender... thing falls out of the brooch. Danny catches it immediately, and lets Hawkmoth drop to the floor. Danny floats up and removes his camera from his hidey hole, placing the brooch in his pocket, and holding the thing that fell out close to his chest.”

A tiny, hoarse voice rebounds up to him from below. 

“What- What are you?” The pitiful man croaked out. 

Danny slowly turned, eyes flashing. A wide grin pulled across his face, wider than natural, with green light glowing behind his teeth. It was not a nice smile. It was a dangerous one, the smile of a grinning skull or a crocodile.

“Tell me, Hawkmoth,” he spits the name like a curse. 

“Do you believe in ghosts?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there you have it. Originally, I was gonna have our ghostie boy use the butterfly brooch and fight with the Paris duo, I even am had an outfit planned out for butterfly!danny but I felt like this ending was thematically better. 
> 
> I apologize if the writing is choppy and moving too fast, I was trying to get this update out as fast as possible, before y’all forgot about me. 
> 
> If inspiration strikes me again, perhaps I’ll come back to this, but for now I’m gonna try out some new stuff.
> 
> Thank you, and have a beautiful day! :D
> 
> -Sphinx


	3. The butterfly brooch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Hawkmoth is blackmailed, Nooroo is liberated, and Danny is confused.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! It’s ya girl Sphinx again! I know I said this was complete, but it would not leave me alone. I was trying to work on other things, and this story was like “hey. Hey. Hey. Write more.”  
> So y’all get more.
> 
> I hope no one is out of character, I did my best. Also, I’ve only watched season 1 and 2 of miraculous, so I’m taking a couple of creative liberties.
> 
> Edit: ahhhh! Something went wrong when I was transferring the chapter text, and some of it got cut out! It’s here now though. Sorry about that.

“You know what? I’m not satisfied with just this,” Danny says conversationally, hovering off the ground and glaring down at the ex-supervillain on the ground who is simultaneously cowering against the wall and trying to act like Danny isn’t the scarier one in the room.

“Just ‘cause you’re totally loaded makes you think you can get away with all this, huh? Well, guess what! You’re wrong!”  
Danny started floating closer, like karma descending in the form of an obnoxious teenager. “I want you to call one of those press conferences you rich people are always having, and let everyone know what you’ve done. Media, family. Everyone.” 

Danny was now nose to nose with the pathetic man, “I’ll be making sure you do, and if you don’t... well, let’s just say I have some friends who are a lot less forgiving than me, and they’d love the chance to give you what you dish out. Nod if you understand.” The forcibly retired supervillain just shivered, frozen in terror, and Danny tried to dial the ghostly fear effects back enough to let the man answer him. “I said, nod if you understand,”

The man nodded vigorously, and Danny turned in the air, pulled his invisibility up and phased back through the wall, not even looking back to call, “Good. I’ll hold you to it. You have five days.”

—————

Danny landed in the kitchen again for a breather, looking at the thing that had fallen out of the brooch longer than a glance for the first time. 

It was a pale lavender, about the size of a mouse, fitting snugly in his open hand, with ribbon like tails on two of iits four wings and a swirl on its head. It was clearly something mythical, or at least not normal. Danny’s eyes widened as he felt it breathe. 

It was- it was alive? That horrible man had been using a living creature as fuel to terrorize the city?! Oh. Oh man. Danny was tempted to go back on his deal and send a horde of vengeful ghosts to haunt the criminal, but going back on his word was something Danny didn’t do. 

He gently nudged the thing in his hand with his index finger. “Hey little guy, are you okay?”

The thing tightened its closed eyes and whimpered a bit, shuddering in his hand. “Hey, I’m not gonna hurt you, it’s okay,” Danny said again, with another soft nudge. 

It moaned softly, then finally opened its eyes and looked at him. And wow, the little butterfly was cute, with its tiny little paw nubs and feet, and big, big eyes.  
“Who- Who are you,” it gasped out exhaustedly, and with no small bit of fear.

“Hey, Hey, it’s okay, that lunatic calling himself Hawkmoth can’t hurt you anymore. My name’s Danny. Can I help you?”

It blinked at him, then weakly levered itself up to sit in his hand. “I- my- I’m Nooroo. The butterfly kwami. You took the brooch? Does that mean you’re- you’re my master now?”

Danny tilted his head as he looked at the newly introduced Nooroo in his hand, “No- well yes, I did take the brooch, but I’m not your master. I’m not gonna make you do anything, and as soon as your better, you can go free, or I can help you go home. Wherever home is for you anyway. Unless it’s here, because this place can’t be called a home no matter how fancy it is.”

The kwami looked up at him with those big eyes (something that cute should be illegal) and he seemed... lost, before looking down, and mumbling that he just needed some food and then he’d be good to go.

“Alright. We’re raiding that rich dude’s fridge. What do you wanna eat?”

The little guy seemed almost afraid to answer, but he whispered that his favorites were fruits with lots of juice.

Danny pulled a bag of oranges out of the fridge, along with a watermelon that he was gonna steal out of spite. 

He seethed as he peeled the orange for Nooroo, gently placing him in the shirt pocket he didn’t even know he had til now. Hawkmoth has no respect for anyone, didn’t he? Not the dead, not the living. Young or old, it didn’t matter, he’d kill them all for something he convinced himself he needed. 

Once Nooroo got a few orange slices, he zipped out of the pocket to hover in front of Danny. Danny smiled, “Looks like you’re feeling better, that’s good. Now, can I help you with anything else?”

Nooroo shook his head, then whispered, “Wh- What would you have of me, master?”

Danny narrowed his eyes and pursed his lips, “Please don’t call me master, I’m not in charge of you, and I dunno. What do you wanna do?”

“Huh? But it is my purpose as a kwami to serve those who hold my brooch. No-no matter wh-what they ask for.”

Danny scowled, “Did that crusty old bat downstairs tell you that? Because that sounds a whole lot like slavery to me and that’s never cool.”

Nooroo just closed his eyes and bowed his head, and Danny sighed.

“Alright. I guess I’d better go find Ladybug, she’s probably got an idea on what to do now, you can come with if you want.”

Nooroo looked up, an expression of surprise on his face, before nodding. Danny used his lamp’s power cord as a strap to tie the watermelon to his back, then gestured to the kwami to follow.

——

Jumping out the window and platforming  
his way to the loudest crashing and yelling noises made Danny glad that his mom had focused on parkour during the last apocalypse training season. 

Before they left, Nooroo insisted he steal another piece of jewelry, another brooch, this one shaped like a fan. 

Nooroo was holding on to his shirt, from inside the pocket, and looking like he wanted to let go and stay there forever at the same time. Danny was secretly relieved because he didn’t want the little guy getting lost.

When they finally reached the source of the chaos, Danny finally saw Ladybug’s partner. 

Danny thought that the bell at the hero’s neck was a little weird, but other than that, he made his uniform look a million dollars, and until Danny saw him fighting with Ladybug, he hadn’t know what teamwork really looked like.

Sure, Danny’s parents could take down a dozen ghosts working together, but this was taking it to the next level. 

Ladybug and Chat Noir seemed to be able to read each other’s minds, ducking and hitting in perfect tandem, not even needing words.

As good as they were, they were clearly outnumbered. Danny sighed, then let loose the Fenton family war cry, (it was just screaming ‘for the fudge’ at the top of one’s lungs in various languages. He picked French because he was in Paris.) and hurled the watermelon he’d stolen from a supervillain at the living trash cans. It was a bit disappointing, but he’d live.

The watermelon took a couple of cans down, and got the Paris duo’s attention.

Upon seeing him, they leapt toward him, and one of the heroes carried him and Nooroo away to a safe spot to talk.

Once he was deposited on the floor, Chat Noir offered him a hand, “I’m Chat Noir, Ladybug’s purr-fect partner,”

Danny squinted at him as he took the hand, he’d heard that tone of pun before-

Ladybug cut in, “Do we have a way to stop this?”

“I couldn’t convince him to help, so I took his brooch. Only, I don’t think we should use it, ‘cause he was using a living creature to power it.”

“You mean a kwami?” Chat Noir asked, tilting his head. 

“He did call himself a kwami, yes.” Danny replied, stopping himself from crossing his arms when he realized that Nooroo had ducked down in his pocket to hide.

“One of a kwami’s special abilities is to grant the wearer of their stone special abilities when they wear it, and when the kwami inhabits it. So long as this ability is not abused and the kwami is able to eat and rest afterwards, it’s fine, healthy even to use their magic.” Ladybug explained.

“Oh. I see. Well, I’m not gonna make Nooroo do anything he doesn’t want to.”

Nooroo poked his head out of Danny’s pocket, “You- you can use my power. I-I trust you.”

Danny looked down at the butterfly in his pocket, “Are you sure? I mean, that Hawkmoth guy was a major jerk. I’m sure we can find another way,”

Nooroo flew out in front of Danny. “N-no. I want to help.” Nooroo took and breath and his voice stopped shaking, “Please let me help, it was my power that caused this and I want to fix it. Put on my brooch,”

Danny pulled Nooroo’s brooch out of his pocket, “Alright, but I want you to tell me if it’s ever not okay, alright?” Nooroo nodded, and Danny pinned the brooch to his shirt.

“You activate the miraculous by saying ‘dark win-‘“ Nooroo stopped. “No. That isn’t my phrase. That was Hawkmoth’s phrase. My phrase is ‘wings up’. You’re special ability would be Metamorphosis, but I don’t think I have enough in me to manage it.”

“Wait a second,” Chat Noir piped up, “I thought the butterfly’s power was akumitizing people?”

Nooroo flinched and Danny had to stop himself from stepping between them.

“I- that ability isn’t natural. It came to pass through years of Hawkmoth’s experimentation. Hawkmoth broke every rule there was. It’s how he damaged the peacock miraculous. It was the first one he had, and-“ Nooroo lost all of the composure he’d dragged up and looks like he’s about to cry. 

On instinct, Danny reaches forward, slowly enough to let Nooroo dart away if he wants, then gently draws him protectively to his chest. Danny feels warm inside when Nooroo lets him.

He holds the kwami until Nooroo squirms a bit, and Danny immediately lets go. 

“I’m so sorry,” Chat Noir says, ears drooping. “You-you didn’t know.” Nooroo stammers out. 

“I’m ready, let’s fix this,” Nooroo turns to Danny, with a nod.

Danny takes a deep breath, “Wings up.”

Nooroo is pulled into the brooch and Danny feels power surge through him. It’s different than becoming Phantom. Becoming Phantom feels like grabbing a live wire, cold and hot all together as he becomes weightless.

Nooroo’s transformation is warm. It feels like he’s being wrapped up in a blanket of comfort. It feels like coming back to life, like he can run a thousand miles and be whatever he wants to be.

When he opens his eyes, Chat Noir whistles. “You’ve got a pretty sick look there, man,” Chat Noir holds up his stick thing (which apparently has a selfie mode?) so Danny can get a look at himself.

And wow. He was not expecting that. His chest was plated with iridescent purple armor. The armor went over his shoulders about four inches down, leaving room for his elbows to move, with a firm yet fluid indigo material for the joints. He had greaves and gauntlets made of the same metallic material. A mask was on his face, shaped vaguely like a butterfly, with blues and greens complimenting the purple. Nooroo’s brooch was pinning up a cloak that tied around his neck, the cloak shaped like a pair of butterfly wings. 

A strap around his torso help up the sheath holding a rapier at his side.

The brooch itself was different than how it was when Hawkmoth wore it, it was softer around the edges, with wider wings. It had five swirls, two on each wing and one on the main body in the middle.

The armor wasn’t heavy, or hard to move in, it felt... right, somehow. Maybe it was because it wasn’t hazmat? 

Ladybug shook him and Chat Noir out of their admiration, “let’s go, we have a city to save.”

Just as they were gonna jump out of their little hidey hole, a litterbug leapt at them, and before Danny knew what he was doing, he ran his rapier straight through the can.

It was strange, like he had turned the blade intangible, because it didn’t leave any holes, and he could see the shadow of the blade inside and at the center he could see that he had stabbed the akuma butterfly inside.

The litterbug burst in a shower of black-purple smoke, leaving behind a girl with red hair, glasses, and a plaid shirt. She seemed a bit woozy for a second, until she noticed the spandex, leather and armor clad trio.

She rushed Danny, pulling a phone from a pocket that Danny wasn’t sure how she’d fit it in. 

“What’s your name? Are you a new hero? What are your powers? Are you going to be helping Paris out with Ladybug and Chat Noir?” She said faster than Danny could keep up with.

She looked like she could ask more, but Danny cut her off. “I’m.... uhhh...Ghost... Ghost Moth. I took this brooch from Hawkmoth. I’ll- do my best?” He bolted from the scene. He really wasn’t good at interviews.

———

It took about seven hours to hunt down all of the litterbugs, and once they did, Ladybug used a power Danny wished he had to clean up all of the property damage. “I’ve gotta go for now. Meet me on the Eiffel Tower later, okay? I want to take you to meet my teacher,” Ladybug said, before springing away.

Chat Noir turned to Danny with a grin. “I guess I’ll cat-ch you later!”

Danny’s eyes widened in recognition. “Adrien?!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah. It’s my personal headcanon that the butterfly brooch originally wasn’t supposed to possess people, because of the fact that the peacock seems to be able to do the exact same thing. I think that Trashbag Agreste corrupted the miraculous in order to get what he wanted without getting his hands dirty. 
> 
> I looked up the symbolism of butterflies when I wrote this, and they are symbols of endurance, life, change and hope. So Nooroo’s personality once he recovers a bit will be like... kind and hopeful. He helps endure differently than Wayzz, who is a rock to stand on. Nooroo is more like a pillow or blanket, that comforts you until you’re ready to go on. 
> 
> Anyways. I hope you all enjoyed it. If you have any questions can ask away! I’ll do my best to answer!
> 
> Have a wonderful day! :D
> 
> -Sphinx


	4. so we’re doin this (y’all got what you wanted)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which stories are told, Chloe is (metaphorically, cannibalism is still wrong) roasted and there are consequences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I had a dream that one of my commenters took all the letters from the puns I made in the story and wrote some kind of poem with it. My subconscious wanted more of this I guess.
> 
> I hope I don’t let y’all down, I did my best!

Danny really had no idea that his day would end this way, what with the world facing its impending doom from ancient shadow monsters and demons. Something about them wanting to eat the world? It honestly probably wasn’t the worst thing to ever happen to him because this is just his life now.

He just wanted to go to a party hosted by a dead seven year old and his skeleton parrot. Of course his terrible luck would strike again. Or maybe it was Johnny, in which case Danny really needed to have a talk with him. Involving copious amounts of flashlights.

It was amazing how everything just went wrong again. Granted, usually his mistakes were usually on smaller scale than this, except the time he let Technus into a global satellite. Or when the town was stuck in a different dimension. Or- okay maybe he had made bigger mistakes, but this time he’s about ninety percent sure it wasn’t his fault.

The demons had just showed up and now his friend’s psychopathic father was missing and-

It had happened like this.  
———-

Adrien had taken the outing of his identity a million times better than Danny would if someone ever found his deep dark secrets.

He had stood there astonished for a second, before his transformation failed and a tiny black cat fell out of his ring cackling.

“He got ya, kid. It’s nice to meetcha. Name’s Plagg. I think you and I are gonna get along great.”

“Plagg! You could have let me get off the roof first!” Adrien said exasperated. He looked up at Danny. 

“It was the puns, wasn’t it?”

“‘Fraid so.”

They stood there awkwardly for a second, like two people.... standing.... awkwardly... accompanied by a cat deity.....? Danny failed English, don’t look at him for analogies.

“Here, I’ll get you down.” Danny scooped Adrien up and hopped into an abandoned alley. 

“Ummm... how do I get this off?” He pulled at his mask, that was apparently superglued to his face, just like the time he had misread the instructions on a spa mask when he had lost a bet with Sam.

“Eh? I think Nooroo’s deactivation phrase was ‘wings down’. Could be wrong though.” Plagg said, draping himself over Adrien’s face.

“Wings... down?” The change was immediate, as purple light flowed over him, and Nooroo popped out of the brooch.

Danny was just about to ask if they wanted to go get bagels, when Adrien got a call.

From the look on his face, it was bad news.

———

They were on their way to Adrien’s friend’s house, because for the first time in literal years, Adrien’s father was coming out of the house and interacting with society. He’d called a press conference.

And to distract himself from confusing   
guilt and nervousness, he told Adrien a story about a little scrape his family had gotten into a couple years back.

( It was nice that apparently Nooroo’s brooch could translate languages for him and Adrien could focus on more important things than speaking his non-native language, except the part where Adrien beat him in a pun war because he knew French puns.)

“And then the Peruvian troops moved in-“ 

“What? Really? I thought this was the story of why your family doesn’t play pickle-ball at family reunions anymore?”

“-it was a good thing that dad had brought emergency ham to distract the bloodhounds with, ‘cause we were in the war zone-“

“Who is your family?!”

Unfortunately Danny couldn’t get to the part about the elephants and the windmill, because Pigtails had made a reappearance.

She was being harassed by a rich looking blonde girl, and looked like she was either gonna cry or deck the girl in the face.

“Chloe! What are you doing to Marinette?” Adrien asked as sternly as a ray of sunshine like him could pull off. 

“Adrikins! Don’t worry, I’m just putting this ugly little girl in her place, so you don’t have to see her anymore.”

Adrien opened his mouth, but it was too late.

“So what gives you the right to decide who Adrien’s friends are?” Danny stepped forward, arms crossed.

‘Chloe’ scoffed at him, “Who is this?! Adrien, you know you don’t have to talk to him-“

Danny interrupted, “And you don’t have to be a sautéed onion with an attitude problem and tacky shoes, but here we are.” 

The sautéed onion gasped, and Danny grabbed Adrien and Pigtails’ hands and pulled them away, calling over his shoulder, “There’s this thing called ‘common decency’ all of us who have valid social skills know how to use it. You should try it sometime.”

When they are a safe distance away, Danny lets go of their hands. 

Adrien sighs. “We missed Nino’s house by three blocks.”

“Sorry.”

———

After being introduced to Nino and Marinette properly, they settled down to watch the press conference, Danny hanging upside down off the couch and snagging some nachos. 

There was a knock at the door, and then Danny was introduced to Alya, who was scary, before they waited for the conference to start, with a pun war to pass the time.

———-

Well. That could have gone better. Adrien’s father was Hawkmoth, and during the broadcast, he had been kidnapped by demons. After a terrifying screech had been heard worldwide. And the sky turned red. Maybe a bit concerning.

Danny hadn’t actually seen this, because he’d had to use the restroom (he hadn’t been able to go before because in France you apparently had to pay to use the toilet. Barbaric, but not a bad business practice.), but he’d heard the screech, (and thought it was some questionable plumbing at first) and knew something was wrong.

And now he and five other people (Adrien, Marinette, Nino, Alya, and the sautéed onion, who apparently were all hiding one of those magic pieces of jewelry on them, all outed by their little spirit guides wanting to see Nooroo) were crowded in an Asian style house with a 127 year old man telling them that the apocalypse was upon them. After Marinette had dragged them through the streets in a blind panic.

He was gonna have to find a way to make Adrien feel better after this fiasco.

Marinette kept making sympathetic googly eyes at Adrien, who looked like he wanted to return them, but was too conflicted by his kidnapped misshapen walnut of a father. Honestly, from what Nino told him on the way here, it probably wouldn’t change things all that much, because Gabriel Agreste was a terrible parent anyway.

If he hadn’t already been kidnapped, Danny might have gone back on his deal. Sunshine boy didn’t deserve that.

He was having a hard time listening to the lecture, probably something to do with the sleep he’d missed.

Something about the original enemy to life and the reason miraculous were created in the first place returning? 

Oh great. More responsibility.

It couldn’t be worse than ghosts, right?

———  
It was worse than ghosts.

BONUS-

“Danny! A package is here for you! It’s from your pen pal in France!”

Danny opened the package to find-

A pristine floor lamp.

“You remembered!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Perhaps I’ll turn this into a series where they hunt demons and try to get Adrien’s deadbeat dad back. 
> 
> That reminds me of that oc I made a while back and never did anything with. The homeless teenage street magician who accidentally stole a miraculous and was completely done with the love square.
> 
> Anyways, this universe will probably be on hold until I can finish my other projects, but in the meantime, leave me some suggestions for other things you wanna see! 
> 
> -Sphinx

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! Thanks for looking at my steaming pile of garbage! But, alas, you must write to get better at writing, so you won’t be getting rid of me anytime soon. If you liked it, leave me a comment, if you didn’t, tell me why, constructive criticism is always appreciated. And if you think of any more insults for Hawky, I’d love to hear them.
> 
> Have a wonderful day! ^-^


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